Writers are depressed. It's a fact.

I just want to start this post with a huge, gut-wrenching sigh. It's been a long month so far. My NaNoWriMo isn't going perfectly, but it is going. At this very moment I'm at 21,036 words. I should be in the 25,000-26,000 range. I'm not uber behind, but I'm certainly not ahead either. Usually when I get really into a story I can pound out 20 pages or so a day. My page count is 79 after 15 days...do the math. In case you're not a math genius like me (ha!) this basically means that I'm not in love with my story. It's not awful, it has a plot, it has believable characters, so what's the issue?

Basically, my characters are depressed and it's depressing me. Rightfully, they should be depressed, their lives suck. And a few of them have no redeeming qualities as people, which makes me hate writing them. Even my MC is falling apart despite her best efforts. I kind of want to shake them and scream in their faces "GET IT TOGETHER!!!" Of course they won't listen to me, they never do. But seriously, their issues are holding me back. How am I supposed to get excited about a girl who is so depressed and has no self esteem and only views alcohol and random flings as a way to survive. Yuck. She's just taking after her alcoholic mother, though. Oh! And let's not forget all the situations that make everything so much worse. Missed phone calls, ignored texts...

It's too much like real life! Aha! I've found the issue. Perhaps in the future I will know to stick only to the fantasy/paranormal/sci-fi. This real life shit kills me (and depresses me).

This post is depressing. I apologize.

All the best,
Kacey

End of Manuscript Anxiety

Here it is the end of August and I've only written one blog this month. One. Seriously. I'll make some excuses: I'm busy, I've been studying for my boards, I've been writing my WIP, it's summer, I work a lot.

Ah, there, I feel minutely better.

For three weeks I've been debating writing this really awesome blog about killing off characters. However at this point it still remains an illusive idea. I have been writing. I'm 60,000 words into my WIP. That's a fair amount in, I'd say. In fact, I'm nearly finished. I've reached the What the heck is wrong with me stage. It's a really crappy stage that goes something like this.

"Awesome! I've gotten to the fun, interesting, dramatic, action-filled part of story! And I'm stalled..."

What the heck.

I'm on Chapter 26. I know how the story will end. I know how to get from Point A to Point B and sum it all up with Point C.

So...what the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I just sit down and write it all out? My critique readers are bugging me for the rest. I'm still interested, still in love with the characters, the plot, all of it. I'm even more excited about having a finished product and starting to work on a query letter.

Soo...why am I not finishing it?

The truth: I have NO idea. This happens every time I get close to the end of my manuscripts. I write like a beast for 3/4 of the book and then I hit this lull where I can't even bang out a chapter in a week. It's ultimately very frustrating. In six days I've written a page and a half. But it's not writers block (or is it??) because I know where the story is going. I know how it'll all end. I could even brainstorm out about a million conversations and scenes.

The explanation I like the best (because it doesn't involve scary words like writers block or lazy) is that I'm afraid to finish it. I love the story so much that I don't want it to end. I am especially in love with this story line and I'll be sad to leave my one-armed Ginger behind. But there are other stories in my head that want to be written, too. Plus I have another MS that's nearly ready for querying that needs some final editing and polishing (and three more than haven't been edited at all, yet). I have a future, maybe I just don't have the ambition. Maybe I'm just scared.

What about you? Do you suffer from end of manuscript anxiety? Maybe I need to start a support group. ;)

All the best,
Kacey