I had a very important chat with my guard kids tonight. It was a talk about the feeling you get when you perform. Being a performer at heart (or a retired one, since I'm too old haha...) I understand this feeling well. It's hearing your music start and suddenly having the nerves melt away into the warmth of sharing something with another person. Maybe it's an audience of one, maybe it's thousands, but it's knowing that you're holding out a piece of yourself to them and saying "Here, keep this. Understand." It's hoping that they'll remember you later, when they're dancing in their kitchen or years from now when they hear your song on the radio and they sing along in the car. It's touching lives and becoming part of a greater purpose.
Whew...I'm on a roll. I should've scripted this talk earlier.
I love performing. I might have already said that, but I'm saying it again. I've coached for 5 years, but nothing compares to the feeling of being on a floor or stage. If I could get out there again, I wouldn't even hesitate. I swear, I was born to be a professional dancer or even a singer (though I can't sing to save my life. I find it highly unfair!). But I LIVE for the performance, the rush, the feeling of victory.
That being said, I'd like to correlate this to writing. I know I said that nothing compares to the feeling I get when I perform, but actually I lied. Something does compare--it's when I write. I get the same kind of nervous excitement in my stomach when I'm banging out a particularly exciting scene. I get giddy when I finish one. Writing is as much an adrenaline rush as performing. But what's writing without sharing it?
If you asked me why I want to be published I would answer solely to share my stories with others. I just want someone to walk with me for a while in another world. I want them to feel happy or sad or angry with me. I want them to grieve for the characters and fight for them. I want them to be there every step of the way.
Did I ever really expect to become a writer? Nope. Sure didn't. When I sat down and started writing did I ever think I'd finish a book? Hell no! I'm not exactly great at finishing creative things. But here I am, working on my 7th manuscript. Yep. SEVEN. Holy crap.
Maybe I never expected any of this. I sure didn't expect to be coaching winterguard, but hey, it's probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me. It's taught me never to give up. Never. Ever. (ever). Even when everything is stacked against you. Even when nobody seems to care. Through all the crazy stuff I've been through, I've discovered a fighter inside of me.
On that note, I decided to crack down on my editing. 13 chapters of Antithesis tonight. I'm 1/3 of the way done. Once I reach the end I'll send it out for polishing.
And then the real fun will begin: Querying! Hooray!
I'm smiling as I write this. I'm feeling damn good. Sometimes looking back, it is so amazing what I can accomplish. I think I'm having a moment or something. Glad you shared it with me.
All the best,Kacey