Do you ever feel like you talk a whole bunch but don't really say a whole lot of anything? I'm gonna apologize in advance if this is one of those blogs. Sometimes I feel like my skin is too tight because there is just so much inside of me that wants to come out. I'm not talking vomit here, people, unless it's word vomit. Maybe emotional vomit.
Okay, maybe it's some form of vomit, but hopefully it doesn't make you go "ewww..."
I'm way deep into this editing thing and more serious about it than I've ever been before. I'm discovering this little annoying thing that I like to call TRICKLE DOWN. (It's in caps so it's scary). Say in Chapter Three I decide to change a little tidbit. Suddenly someone has to come from a new city. Well crap! Do you know what this means? It means I have to fix Chapter Seven where I talk about hometowns, and Chapter Twenty where this character's father talks about college. Aw HELL. Why didn't I think about this before? Suddenly it's a gaping PLOT HOLE and I wish I'd never been born. So after this trickle down has affected every. single. page. I realize I'm done and let out a giant, ridiculous sigh of relief at being so over it. And then I find another one. Shit. Crap. Balls.
The process starts over.
I'm mostly complaining because I don't have anything better to do. I wrote a new chapter, stuck it in the book, debated how much I liked it. Stared at a blank page for forty-five minutes. Pondered the meaning of life...
My manuscript is screaming "Checkmate, bitch!" And I'm all like "Oh no you didn't..."
Good news is, I'm still having fun. I think. My version of fun might be a little skewed though. Most days I'm pretty sure there's something seriously wrong with me. Without my fictional characters I'd probably be crazy. Maybe I just have too many projects. When you're a writer, what exactly constitutes too many? I mean, I have one WIP, a MS I'm editing, and a series that I'm itching to rewrite. And I'm thinking I really want to start a Round Robin Blogvel, since the last time I participated in one of those it was super fun. (Another project? Who am I kidding...) Writers have serious issues.
Then there's the query I'm writing. Who came up with this whole "querying" thing anyway? I think it's just a form of torture that gives agents immense pleasure. I've agonized over this query for months. MONTHS! I've rewritten it in its entirety four times. I pretty much end up hating every version for one reason or another. Then I go and read other people's queries looking for inspiration. Mostly I just end up jealous. Why do their queries sound so amazing? Why do I want to run to the bookstore and pick up their books right this second? Why can't I write one that sounds like that?
What. Is. Wrong. With. Me?
Some days being The Little Engine That Could just isn't enough. I want to be The Little Engine That HAS. For the love. He could! But did he ever???
Maybe tomorrow I'll have a genius revelation and the words will just come to me.
Here's to dreaming,